Friday, December 14, 2012

That Was Then...

When I started writing this blog, I never planned to write a serious/sad/sentimental entry. But you know how sometimes you are so overwhelmed with emotions that you just want to vent it somewhere to make you feel better? Well that is what I thought. So forgive for going all melodramatic right now. But as we all know, even the light and fluffy K-dramas have to veer towards melodramatic territory at some point, right?

I miss home. My mom. My brother. But today in particular I miss my dad. A LOT. It just one of those random times that the feeling of missing home and your loved ones suddenly swept over you. Well it's not exactly random in my case. One of my friends on Facebook just shared a link to a clip on YouTube. And what else should it be other than... Dance with My Father by Luther Vandross (Celine Dion's version). I know better that I shouldn't have listened to that song. I cried while listening to that song in a room full of people once. Imagine what kind of blubbering mess I would turn into when I listened to it by myself? Not a pretty one for sure!

Yeap.. No! I can't cry prettily with JUST one single tear rolling down my cheek

But anyway, that song reminds me a LOT of my dad. Since I was little I always listen to my dad's music and I remember one time he taught me how to dance. It was a cute memory. But there's also an added layer of sadness as I think about it fondly today. Because I know I can't dance with him anymore. And as I remembered that time today and heard that song playing, the tears just kept rolling down from my eyes. So many of the lyrics ring true...

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around ‘til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved

I remember that my brother and I never had bedtime when we were little (I think). But we always felt sleepy around 9 PM, so we went to bed at normal time for kids. But there were times when the TV channel was showing a really good movie, a MacGuyver movie for example, and we just wanted to stay in the living room and watch it, but because it was normally aired past over our bedtime and there was also news broadcast in the middle of it, we would normally fell asleep without finishing it. Or often in time I would finish it but then I would pretend to be asleep as the credits roll because I didn't want to walk to my room. And during those time my dad would lift me up and carry me to the room. Even when he knew I was just pretending to sleep.

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet

There were also times (yes, plural - I was quite a troublemaker when I was little) when I did something wrong and got my mom mad. I got chased around the house with a broom. And when I was crying after got hit by the broom, my dad would come to me and tried to cheer me up. He would give me a piggyback ride and then pretended to be angry at my mom, then jokingly told me to hit my mom back. After that he would tell me to not make her mad again and to do things that she told me to do. He would then give me a pocket money and told me to buy something at the shop near our house so that I would stop crying.

Never thought that he would be gone from me
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream
So many memories came rushing back as I listened to that song *sniffles*. And I miss my dad. A LOT. Before my dad passed away almost 8 years ago, I always thought that he would walk me down the aisle and then dance with me on my wedding day. You know, just like other fathers and daughters. But I never thought that he would be gone from me that fast. Sometimes when I missed him, I would dream of him, and in those dreams, I went back to the little me who was dancing with her dad and I was happy.

Dad, years may come and go, but your memory will never be erased. I will look forward to the day I can dance with you in heaven; but until then, I am going to live my life with a smile on my face and memories of you in my heart. I love you, Dad...

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